oscillations

i’m a slackerrrrrr.

shuffling back and forth between two places (brooklyn and the verdant mountains upstate) over the last month has me living out of suitcases and bags, spending more time on buses and trains more than i’m used to.  although i love being in both places, this has blasted little jagged holes through my weekly routines.  because of this, i’ve been remiss in running every other day like i’m used to. i let three, then four, and then FIVE days pass between the days i would run. i became irritable. depressed.

it was during one of my mopey, thousand-yard-stares on my commute to work last week that i realized just how much of a cycle of funk i was in.  i would feel sad.  and then frustrated because i didn’t know why i was so sad. and then i felt guilty for feeling sad over nothing.

i’d gone so far as anthropomorphizing the running app on my iphone.  it adopted woody allen’s beseeching voice the other day: what are you doing?  running takes up less than five percent of your day.  you should be running right now.  what?  you’re not going to run today?  why?  you LOVE running.  it makes you happy.  don’t you want to be happy?

yesterday, i absent-mindedly packed a bag, scrambled to get to the port authority, and headed back upstate.  each bus ride has me journeying through the lincoln tunnel to new jersey, gifting me a very wistful view of the new york city skyline as it shrinks down to a  flat, grey smudge.  this time, as the bus headed north, pushing me closer to the mountains, i looked down at my backpack.  i realized that i’d actually stuffed it full with all of my running gear, with barely enough people clothes wedged in there.  for the first time in hours, i smiled.  and then rolled my eyes.  why did it take me so long to realize why i’ve been so blue? it turns out that it isn’t that complicated. i just stopped running regularly.  an hour later, i stumbled off the bus, a new idea turning itself over and over in my head.

i decided that i’m going to run one hundred miles in thirty days.  the miles might be a little difficult to cram into my weekly work and life schedule, but i think it was NOT having something to focus on that put so many days between my runs.

i suppose some would say that in order to get motivated one should sign up for a race, but i’m not at all competitive.  i believe that the cocky, pimply-faced kid on my middle school cross country team is largely to blame for this, but that’s a blog entry for another day.

for now here’s a photo of me from today, mid-run. looking out over a body of water. thinking deeply about the journey that lays ahead of me.

photo 1 (7)

actually, i was thinking about a post-run chipotle burrito with extra guac.  i deserved a break!

 


2 thoughts on “oscillations

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